Well Said…

4:30am in the morning 09-06-2014 a message received that we won’t be seeing each other a shocking news struck my ears, locked doors, smoking with a glass of coke, and the only light was from a laptops screen. Tears flowed as like there was a funeral of a loved one, a sudden dizziness overtook the mental state, and lost hold of the conscience and then nowhere to go scenario happened, with full strength encouraged and held my head on the line and committed to that there was happiness in my side that whatever the decision is I am happy, instead there was such brokenness and such drama I was going through “stay unharmed stay happy” is all that I kept on saying all again and again,
Stubborn in my reaction on every text I received, and then the last text “can’t continue, my words can cast you back into this man’s interest, which I don’t want as you are happy with your decision so am I”
A friend of mine KHIZ always reminds me of the worth I have, all the potential, all of her words were there as a friend there in need of one, hmmm, what a co-incidence the very next step I e-mailed KHIZ as she is in China at the moment, well she always has a backup plan for me, and this afternoon all my buddies started texting me, and from nowhere I had this enchanting feeling for this 23oct buddy of mine, what this is I am absolutely not sure… I had a little attraction towards but what this was not really sure, every this I do is so “well said and so straightforward for most people is such stupidity, this is what makes a unique impression of what I am.
There is this uncertain feeling and that is beautiful as this is the time of learning the new phase of love, I doubt this is not wrong as judgment is waiting for the motives if wrong.
Unsure of what the next word would struck out of my mind onto the key pad of my computer, as I write this as a well said oath to myself as a reminder for myself for where I stand from where I started to where I am there is such a new level of understanding in who I am, at what certain levels I can go, reaching the next level in emotions, understanding others, myself and most of all not giving up at all for one emotional breakdown on what I am intention-ed to do.
What a life when everything seems so well said, seems like every single day is like a glomming flower on the side of a river bank where every breeze is so beautiful and touching, where every striking moment is a beauty in itself.
how am I supposed to tell the true tale of life and love in just one single word, it’s so well said the love is not mentioned through lips as eyes are the only door way to the very expression of love…
as so far I know what’s next will be well said…

Demonic Inside

Obscured with my very own insecure personality, over doomed with the sense of my insanity, keep on running back and forth seeking for the truth every human is doomed with their very own personal theology and this is leading to a uncertain hell, the curse is rising demons are overruling the insecure minds of the very creation of the King.
Demanding a secure pass was as there is none, no one seeks the hard path reaching the level of curse where we oath ourselves with a thought as we faith in our suicide.
light was right ahead that deep dark hole was a curse, so many thoughts striking, scratching arms, pulling hairs, tear flowing eyes, and then there is insane obscurity of the demons presence, as the slight hitting call seemed to be delighting and then it turned to be a curse once again held up straight into the devils hands and once again faith in my very suicide began, devil like a whore substance into the aroma of an angel, that smiling lips those tempting eyes, turned the soul to become pervert once again lost host of my senses and ruined the creation of that very imagery.
Not saint not a soul seeker, scene obscene or a mob scene, sex dramatic pain stalker live licker of liquor not a scene for sure a mob scene.
I have seen sensed as the drum beats rolled my eardrums, I could deny the presence of her demon, it over ruled me once again, lost hold as those shouting lips of happiness, cursed me into another phenomenal level that was reaching me to faith in my suicide.
I don’t care if the world is ending today, because I wasn’t invited in the destruction drama, I was a bone of spiced up words, temptation of self-attained looks that will ride you to the dramatics of your so called heaven as it isn’t as it is hell, I am not licking the heart of your very presence as I am demonic the only thing missing is a fantasy and a bitch like you.
What is in it or what is so funny, demon or an angel, because am renamed by your world’s league I am the Lord of the temptations curses, let me delight you with this lust an insecure demon who assures to security of the lusted worlds Crete. It’s like mine funeral, as everyone is attending and making sure I stay dead, I stay dead, will it surely assure your attentions of my dramatic death, make sure I am dead, as am not, Lord of the demanded never dies as the curse will then turn into an insane aids.
Like the crowd with a walking behind shadow, shall my demons watch over you, shall follow until they reach the grave where they will rest beside you, I assure the reoccurrence of the moments again, they will rule and they will overtake the demons of my insane personality.
Faith in my suicide.

An Outcast

October 23, 1989 birth of a new era in this beings life. Takes time to learn and develop a character which we have gained with the passage of time spent. In the early years of life as a child was very into myself, knew from the beginning that the end to my very existence will be very painful, but what motivated throughout the years and still is that how to go through this painful scenario that has developed in my head.
Often we desire that we can do things that can help us generate a new level of strength but we fail to do so, we lack in faith and in determination. Why not then stepping up and getting through the hard times and in these times develop strength a shield that leads us towards our victory.
Disowned by loved ones and left like an astray, There is always a hope for the wounded, the days when strength and happiness was in full strength, when tears used to write her name in words later formed to be poetic quotes, for now she is offending in her thoughts, need to strengthen so cure can help resist the consequences of pain and suffering.
Desires are always to satisfy our lust for possession, for lust was never a hurdle, and never felt like weak in times when there was suffering for gaining, but now there is no hope, and wilderness rust is over lapping the dreams once seen, for now an outcast is no longer stubborn as was in times of strength.
Loneliness itself a disease a sarcastic disaster, strikes the mind like a hurricane, often things happen, atmosphere change, but this scenario is so underlining, I often think how can I overcome this dark factor, listening to music think of loved ones, pray so many aspects can be brought in, but there is always a silence leading to something new, that very new factor is something that causes a change.
Things happen in life, that cause change, a time to harvest a time to sow the seed, once the organized plot is set the standards start coming. Over ruling the thoughts that come first, opinions start rushing your thought line.
From a distance a couple was sharing their moments of the past or present not really aware of, started starring at them and a sparkling glow started to fall in my eyes, as I turned my eyes around I saw a man with his uncle a worker at the department sharing what happens in the university, as I wagged my eyes I saw another couple walking, they were shy but very confident in their relation, but the observer itself is lonely, how come he is lonely? Are we designed to be alone, The ultimate God created us and brought in a gift a pleasant being to stand next to us in every era of our lives, still we fight with our loneliness.
Cold and lost, uncertain of the next moment, the present is striking my head to think of the next strategy, focused very much on achieving something, which is a very common factor.
Every man for itself, every being for itself has a circle of thoughts, a world of theirs. Do we tend to be like this or are we haunted by this sarcastic scenario, freedom we say we live, but we don’t because we are haunted by our own very thoughts. Lights are sparking in the darkest part of night, they shall lead me home, and shall I follow them or the divine authority above in heavens.

Not in further strength to write…

Like the Perfumes, Shall the essence live till eternity

only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life

Love like never before… She kept me on my toes…

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Christmas 2012, was a Victorious Christmas of my Life, when I finally finished my Portrait of my Girlfriend.

I am Paul, as many of my friends Know me around the World, I am a Preacher, Photographer, Designer, Biker, Blogger, and a Loving Love for my Jocelyn. 

I have been in relation for so many times, all that ended on 2012 Christmas, I got a full-stop in my life, where I had to began with a new sentence, and That sentence only consisted of Me and Jocelyn and the life we will share, Its been 10 months already we are in relationship, and we are Best-friends and share every matter with honesty and Integrity, Which is such a blessing for each other, I am so happy that I am in Love with this Girl…

The Story Begins when I first saw Jocelyn in VBCI, The very first word came in my head was “crazy girl”, I had no Idea I was going to commit on spending the rest of my life with this beautiful blond. We both were in VBCI and I was a second year and She was a 1st year, and according to the rules we could not date, but God had a different plan for us, sometime when I remind myself of the past days I am filled with Joy.

At the first semester started of VBCI Jocelyn ended in Continuum and I had to teach her Graphics, which she was really not interested in, But I had to teach her no other way around, and in my head I still had that thought am stuck with a very young girl who is new in life and everything is exciting for her, but still for me she was a “crazy Child”. 

Season of Love has no perfect timing it can happen any time, Love has amassed me so much same is the Love of Christ, when He came in my life, there was no perfect moment or time it just happened, and the sudden effect lasted till today…

After 2days of teaching Jocelyn Editing, we were in continuum, surrounded by many eyes, and voices, everyone was working, I turned around and looked at Jocelyn, and a “Pause” that’s when I fell in love with her, that very moment I got a full-stop in life, and not sure how I can explain more… 

But every thing has its own terms and conditions. God created Man and gave him command over all living beings and then He saw man has need, he needs a partner, even though we today emphasis so much on God my first partner, I cant do anything, I absolutely will agree with that, but We still need a companion, some one we can Kiss some one we can hug, some one we can laugh or cry with, someone like Eve for Adam in the Garden of Eden. There are people who decide to live alone and serve the Lord for the rest of their days, I respect that and Honor them, but for those who feel that they need a partner, I urge that Partner with some one Who is for you.

The moment I felt that “Pause” when I looked in her eyes, I wanted to express my feeling but I stopped myself from doing that, instead I kept quiet for the next few months, That night I was standing in my room balcony, closed the patio door, and started looking at the Stars, and Saw them and was amassed, I wanted to tell Jocelyn What I felt in my heart for Her, But God had a different plan planned out for me… Good thing my Heavenly partner was working along with me, I prayed about it, and in the spirit I felt that 24th December 12:00 midnight I will tell Jocelyn what I have in my heart for her, how much she means to me, Now all these thoughts were to quick to start with.

God is so great He has planned an abundant life for us, He has given us authority over all. I remember the promises He made with Abraham, That is a reminder to all that What God does is eternal, and is forever.

This time in life I left all in the Hands of God I decided to wait until Christmas. But it should not be a boring proposal, so I had to do something special, something I had never done before in life, so I bought a Diary and started writing poems of Love, only for Jocelyn, every word I had in my Heart I wrote it with absolute clarity, and When I felt that this is not enough, I started making a Sketch for her, which was big as a “42 inch LED Screen”, I made the first sketch which I was disappointed, because I am an artist I wanted to see perfection, so I made another one It took me almost 2 weeks to get it done, and I finished 2 days before Christmas, In my heart “I did it, God you were with me the whole time, so be with me now”. 

So I found Jocelyn sitting in the Corridor of our living place, She was sitting skyping with her mom and family, well I asked to wake up till the Christmas rings for 2012, and she did, She was extremely tiered but she waited and when the bells rang I gave her the Christmas present, ” Sketch + Poem book + Letter “… not sure what would happen next, and she said Thank you and went into her room, I felt like I disappointed her or made her feel bad, I came back to my room with absolute no hope, and getting punched right on the face, I was upset, :/ and went to bed, with a little prayer with my words to the Lord, ” God in your hands I give all Happy Christmas Good night mom dad and all” and off to bed was me…

What happened next day was a blessing rain from the heavens, I said “I love you” in return she felt it the same way, we decided we will know each other more than what we know than the usual, and it was a wise decision, and as School year passed, things became more greater for both of us, and we were enjoying our selves and out relationship, God was working among us, and I felt so much in Love.

During all this time I proposed Jocelyn under the moon light and made a covenant with her ” For I am man, and I serve a God who is King of Kings, and I will be with you, and honor you as long as I live, I wont look onto other women for I am yours and yours alone, I will lay my life down for you as Christ did, I will love you Like the Lord loved me despite of who I am and was, so will I do the same, I ask you to be mine today and forever more, ‘Will you marry me some day’” and I stood up brought her close to me, and reached my hands towards her face and Kissed her.

I have never Kissed a girl like this in my life, I never proposed a Girl in my life like this, This was something that was very Divine, and very special, under the moon light, and off we went to our rooms, and from then on we became more close and our friendship grew stronger and stronger…

This is what happened in my life that I really believed I wanted to share. I am 23 years old and am engaged to a beautiful young Blond, She loves the Lord, and the best part she keeps me on my toes…

Dedicated to my Love forever till the end of my days… My one true Love Jocelyn Bartzen.

Engraved on a glass like life…

Image Our lives are so clear, maybe its our eyes that need some sort of treatment or medicine, to see things the way The King of Kings see, A glass like life we have, today we are tomorrow who knows what happens.

I still remember those days when I used to be a stud in high school and college and kept on keeping my pride so strong inside of me, Some days of my life my pain grabbed me so hard, I tried to let go all these cults, I had engraved on my heart, like tattoos my past was horrible and painful.

January 5,2012 was the day I was to preach at VBCI morning chapel service, and I choose a topic from one of the Old Testament books, One of my favorite book to read, even though it is dry and full of sorrows, but in it I see myself completely defined, The Book of Ecclesiastes. It was my 2 semester after new year, and It came to my ears some one wished to hear a sermon from the book of Ecclesiastes, without keeping a second thought in my mind I decided to preach from this book.

3rd Jan 2012,A day from the day I was to preach at morning service. I had a dispute with a loved one 5:30am TH GSM in the morning, I was raged with anger, It was the worst day of my Life, I went back to my dorm and cried so loud, and I was without a clue, what to do. anyways things happen in life and we learn from them. The day comes 5th Jan 2012, had a great worship in the morning, The person I prepared the sermon Left the chapel right after the worship, Because the person had to attend a meeting at the deans office. So I stood without noticing she was not on her seat, A bit sad, maybe she is mad at me, maybe she hates me, Goodness, my sermon, My head was full of freaking and scary thoughts. I started with a prayer and million tears in my heart, I started with a hope, that If not her, then others, Well In my previous Chapter of my Kings Art book blog things happen as they are meant to happen, cause is simple “Destinies are decided in heavens”. I preached and it was my life’s best sermon, well preached, conveyed the message on to the hearts of the receivers. I preached from Ecclesiastes 3:1-9. What happened after the sermon was extraordinary, God saw my heart. I was in study hall and She came in held my hands, and told me something which stoned every thought every particle around my very presence, tears flowed through my eyes, I said sorry. From that day on I took a challenge to see and do things different, the way I used to do.

Ecclesiastes 3:9 says “What do we gain from all our work?” (Good News Bible)
We gain an everlasting price of the good things we do, a simple word “Sorry” created a difference in the life of man like me, and taking a challenge that day embraces the glass like life of me. Kings Solomon in his words show great wisdom. A man like whom was no other man on the very face of the planet earth. Ecclesiastes 3:9, Challenges me still today, that one day took me from one turning point to a new perspective for life.
Challenge yourselves today for a tomorrow, that ensures today that you will definitely be successful.
Proverbs 25:11 “an Idea well-expressed is like a design of gold, set in silver” (Good News Bible)
Dedicated to a very Special person, A challenge that challenged me to engrave gold on silver.
Ps-Birdie Letendre (A mother and a friend in faith for eternity)

Change in Plans… Destiny decided in Heavens…

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8 September,2013… I was supposed to leave for the Victory Church in Thar/Thal, and I left for my destination 7:30am in the morning which was Sunday morning. Started my bike engine and left my home, and on the way I had a thought about Adam Timothy (AKA Suleman) one of my Photography student and disciple, I came all the way back 10 Km away from my home to his home, and knocked his door, and asked him If he wanted to go with me, but he clean sheet denied the offer, cause he had other stuff to do, so I left his house and continued my journey and on the way I felt in spirit to get back and reach him again, so I cam all the way back to his home and said lets go, this time I had to convince him to come with me, so he came along, On the start of our journey we went to a Shop of a friend, a General Store, we stopped there to refresh ourselves, bought drinks… And started planning what we should we do, when we reach the Church place, but some how H.S (Holy Spirit) was stirring us up for something extraordinary, so our planning ended up into a complete different scenario.
Sometimes in life change of plans can help change lives, and create a difference, so We decided to go South.East the land where my great grandfathers got birth and did farming, a place where we got our family a name among Land Lords…
Our journey started with our complete gear (Camera, Bible) the total budget we had was 500 Pakistani rupees, which is only sufficient for fuel expenditures… We decided to encourage ourselves with a simple word of English “Lets Do it baby”, do or die…
Started our journey, fueled up our bike… and there we went, with no extra money for food or to buy water on the way.
The point from starting our journey to the first extraction point which was my cousins home, when we reached My cousins place, He was taking a nap… Knocked his door, here he comes opens up, man o man, joy on his face, he settled us in, went out to get drinks for us, and the here comes our hunger killer, freshly cooked warm bread with potato and red beans, yum yum, Here comes the blessings of the Lord… As David says in the psalms “my cup is ever filled”, trust me there was so much more to come… But the purpose Holy Spirit did brought us here was extraordinary…
As day passed we went into the next Village, where a friend of my father was a serving pastor, and this was one of the Church plants my Dad did years ago…
The pastor was not home, but there was a Sunday service being held at his place, and His brother was leading, and as I was welcomed in the prayer, complete silence on me entering the room, Now that was a Royal entrance, something like this happens only in Queen Elizabeth’s anniversary movie… I was so proud of my self, and my mate Adam Timothy was also over joyed, great prayer service.
Here comes the task that the Spirit of God convinced us to come all the way here…
The family of this pastor had a history of Idol worshiping and doing lots of crazy scary witch craft stuff, but the new generation including Pastor, and his brothers were all baptized AKA born again believers…
The last cursed piece on the chess table was the brothers Mother, she was cursed and evil spirited, man at first I was scared, God what should I do, so the session begins, and so many stuff was I told, such as offering blood, and doing sacrifices, and calling spirits, I heard about that from a mate from England Simon Micheal Crowe about spiritual medium.

The brother of the pastor told me that her mother often speaks strange languages, and in very scary vocal values… :/
trust me this is very true… The only weapon I had at the moment was the weapon of spirit, and Thanks to the heavenly wisdom that God has granted us, Proud to be a follower not a religious mate…
As the conversation was being done I came to know that this family was more endured on prayers, but no application of the Word, I do understand that prayers have importance, but Word of God is eternal and creates an Heavenly bond with the addition of Prayers, which creates a very effective Lets say a very powerful weapon to break every bond of the evil spirits.
The conversation ended up with a powerful prayer which I lead and the medication was read Psalms 91, to their mother,
because at VBCI Ps-Barbara Billet told us to memories this Psalm, sometimes the teachings of the saints do have an effect…
I left the house with a blessing note of 1 US dollar/ 100 Pakistani rupees…

Holy Spirit never leaves you without a task to do, as me and my mate Adam Timothy were walking back to my cousins home in the same Village, we sat on a butchers place in the dark shadows of night, where darkness rules, but the Spirit of the Lord lighted and the teaching of a teacher and disciple began, Questions were being asked and answers were being thrown like fires of the ever lasting God, that change hearts from the inside out.

My life is a complete mystery to my self often times I feel am useless piece of crap, every time I feel this was The Fires of my Mighty Kings strike my heart, Goodness of Lord I feel peace…
What happened last Sunday, can happen in your lives also, don’t know how many more events in my life like this will come, sitting in darkness teaching in the middle of the night, counseling people how to defend their lives against the tricks of the Devil…
How more I need… I came back home safe and sound, and my mate was happy, his word that were the highlight of this great adventure left an everlasting aroma on me and will always be, this is what Adam Timothy said to me regardless of what he was thinking ” Life is an adventure, and we are living an everlasting adventure”
Tears in my eyes am writing this blog…
How much more of life I want, my cup is ever filled, overflowing with the great blessings of the Lord.
I Paul am living an everlasting adventure of my life… Join me in spirit or in real…
Lets make this world a perfect place for His Highness to come receive us… Amen…