Nothingness

nothingmain105942115

It was dark and silent, the face of those hills I once embraced my sadness into happiness, why today it were like they were praying for the rain to fall, like they were crying into those shattered sentences of life taking fears.

How hard it is for us to understand that we can pledge our lives with others and when others forget that there is something that we are missing and we need to understand that yet we exist. I cant express what i am going through like am some kind of tree with no voice with just a still posture the only posture I present to my seeker is only when the seasons change, only then if he is there he sees how painful and how beautiful these seasons can be, a year and only four recalls of my love express my existence to you. There was a time when I stood by you and your replies with the chattering sounds of your leaves, why then you tell me everything before even I say so, why then you speak it out when the season is far away, why do you know so much of my heart, I just stood there looking into your eyes, those harsh scars those tears those thick ones that wont melt even if the fires are melting hot. Its just your words says she that enchant me when I am desperate its your words that embrace me and make me mad in love its just you. What is it that you cant understand why are you so young why not grow up and be the guide light of my life. I am just standing there as she is just shouting at me with those words with those feelings, am feeling so small and its over my head and its nothing at all, and I stumble and fall and I am still learning to love and starting to crawl, why can I not turn away from the hills from the tree from the clouds from the valley waters, its all you its all you I see and all that I understand.

My goodness is when I ate all of my pride and died to myself, some words feel just words when I am just not being a commitment to who I am to you. I am standing there kill me with your grace and kindness and your love.

Lilly among women

3039962-md

How beautiful you are my lover! How your eyes shine with love behind your veil. Your hair dance like a flock of goats bounding down the hills of Himalayas. Your teeth are as white as the white mountains of Everest. Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; how lovely they are when you speak. Your cheeks glow behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David, round and smooth, with a necklace like a thousand warriors shields hung around it. Your breasts are like gazelles, twin deer feeding among lilies. I will say on the hill of myrrh, the hill of incense, until the morning breezes blow and the darkness disappears. How beautiful you are my love; how perfect your are! Come with me from the Lebanon Mountains my bride; come with me from Lebanon, come down from the top of mount Amana, from Mount Senir and Mount Hermon. Where the lions and leopards live. They look into your eyes, my sweetheart and bride, and the dress you are wearing has stolen my heart. Your love delights me, my sweetheart and bride. Your love is better than wine; your perfume more fragrant than any spice. The taste of honey is on your lips, my darling; your tongue is milk and honey for me. Your clothing has all the fragrance of Lebanon.

My sweetheart, my bride is a secret garden, a walled garden, a private spring; there the plants flourish. They grow like an orchard of pomegranate trees and bear the finest fruits. There is no lack of henna and nard, of saffron, calamus, and cinnamon, or incense of every kind. Myrrh and aloes grow there with all the most fragrant perfumes. Fountains water the garden, streams of flowing water, brooks gushing down from the Lebanon Mountains.

She is such a warm heat, her body speaks like the waves of the ocean, the sounding waves creates music as it says so, wake up, North Wind. South Wind, blow on my garden; fill the air with fragrance. Let my lover come to his garden and eat the best of its fruit.

Forbidden Desire

8f47f1f12cc2e1f26c57855bdae6af24

Your lips cover me with kisses, your love is better than wine. There is a fragrance about you, the sound of your name recalls it, and no woman could keep from loving you. Take me with you, and we’ll run away. Be my queen and take me to your room. We will be happy together drink deep, and loose ourselves in love. Woman from the city of saints, I am dark but beautiful, dark as the desert tents of Kedar, but beautiful as the draperies in Solomon’s palace. Don’t look down on me because of my color, because the sun has tanned me. My friends were angry with me and made me work hard in the sun. I had no time to care for myself. Tell me my love where will you lead your heart to gaze? Where will it rest from the noonday sun? Why should I need to look for you among the gazing hearts of this world?

She says, don’t you know the place, loveliest of men? Go and follow the flock; find a place and see for me.

I sat and prepare myself, you my love, excite men as a mare excites the stallion of Pharaoh’s chariots. Your hair is beautiful upon your cheeks, and falls along your neck like jewels. But we will make for you a chain of gold with ornaments of silver.

When she sees me replies, my king was lying on his couch, and my perfume filled the air with fragrance. My lover has the scent of myrrh, as he lies upon my breasts. My lover is like the wild flower that bloom in the vineyards at Engedi.

And I with no more embraces her, how beautiful you are, my love, how your eyes shine with love.

She keeps me in her arms, my head resting upon her breasts and she gentles me with her words, how handsome you are, and my dearest; how you delight me! The green grass will be our bed; the cedars will be the beams of our house, and the cypress trees the ceiling. I am only a wild flower in Sharon, a lily in a mountain valley.

And my heart beats like the war drums raging for a battle and I say, like a lily among thorns is my darling among women.

Untitled

de

Beautiful days only remain when hearts remain attached, how often do we experience such values, probably not much, but as wise men say there is always a possibility, and this is it.

Like every day I thought it would be the same, but why then everything seemed so beautiful the moment I was with her, this feeling of being eternal and being not alone is just without words, for not the first time but many of the first times I am without words, I mean how is it possible that I am without words, I mean am still writing but yet my thoughts are frozen not with cold but with the warmth of love. A day in a man’s life when he desires to be  loved and loved like it’s the first kiss like it’s the dream come true, like its everything like it’s just the starting of a new beginning.

The smile, teasing, laughing, making fun, running, dancing all together sounds like a fine orchestra, yet played only by two, finally I am getting my words back, it’s because only two can play this game of love.

My life is beautiful; I do not want to embrace it by claiming the most decorative love, but with the claim of being an honest one to my existence my God and my one true love.

My words oh my words, sound me with the waters of heaven, quench my thirst with your love, dream me into the valleys of kingdoms of the earth, rest my soul in the pastures of green grass. I see you in all the beauty of the Lord God, yet its love and its unconditional, I say I am in love all over again.

Desire

pino2006b-suite-desire

Why sadness overwhelms my heart with aggression I am a mad man with storming fears of not dying, why then death kisses me everyday leaving a lust inside of me to quench more of this thirst I hold inside of me. Tears flow heart rages but what is it that is holding me from not committing to what they say is sin, is it a sin to lust for eternity why so then they cry out to us. This life we have such a short time such miseries such suffering and in all that we try so hard not to feel small but this thought of being alone is over my head and I am extremely lost, what then am I up to, every second as I am stepping close to the edge I can’t take this desperation of being apart from you, love is taking a new measure a measure that is uncountable and it’s just leading me to nowhere, even though I am happy but happiness id like a blooming flower it only blooms when am with her only then am alive why then am not alive when the rising sun of my life is not close to me.

Is there something on my mind, then why am I being drowned in this ocean of tears, a bloody blessing is what the heists of this world say it is, but if it is so then why can’t I shore myself on the sunny beaches of peace and happiness. Every time I see the sun I am hopeful why then when night falls everything seems so low and life less, why am I not in my lovers arms, why is my lust for her love is raging to a point when I might crash into so much pain and misery, I am crying loud but no one is out there to hear out my cries, it’s unfair its brutal yet it is love.

I am a shepherd without a heard of sheep, who am I leading, forgotten that it’s me who is leading myself where though, yet I am in a disbelieve of my own thoughts, a vengeance against my own existence why then I am leading alone on a pathway of sand, every time I look back with a hope if my foot steps are keeping a track of how far I have walked, yet this sand is rubbing the tracks of my existence and I am left with a belief that I am alone, yet I am leading myself. What a misery what a belief, yet hard to believe its love.

Have you loved once twice or maybe more, but what is it that keeps us moving, it’s a hard question to understand and answer, there have been many that claim to answer and understand, did they really felt the blessing of being a lover, maybe yes maybe not, what is it then that drives us to do more then what we hold inside of us, I say its unconditional simply it can’t be answered why I love you so much, I just love you.

The high walls

Joseph-Mallord-William-Turner-Paintings-The-Constables-Tower-Dover-Castle

It’s a tradition of ages that only one in millions receive the trophy, well I am not a gladiator who won a battle to win the heart of a princess yet I claim the most beautiful kingdom in all kingdoms of the earth it’s her heart where I nourish my soul. One morning it was all beautiful when I received a message tied with the feet of a fine white dove that came right sitting on my shoulder, after a while I realized it had a message for me, well I checked it and it was a call order from the kingdom of my love, how charming would it be when I realized I had to cross a dark forest and all those troubles she mentioned would come along the way, I with a strong heart never backed myself from her call. Eventually I gathered my troops started my journey early in the morning, as I was traveling storms of ugly thoughts were haunting me, yet my aim was clear and I was determined to reach when I was destined.

As the day passed it started to become hotter and hotter and I was drained and my thirst was raging, yet I was close to my lover’s palace. Finally I reached where my heart belonged. High walls a huge gate standing in front of me, I stood there and realized its time, yet not afraid willing to die for the cause I had travelled thousands of miles. She came to receive me took me to the high palace and hid me in a huge room with beautiful lights and lots of candles and there was a huge bed with silk and velvet beddings and everything seemed so beautiful, I on the other hand a simple crafts men who never had the experience of such wealth was so amassed that how glorious are kings and queens and how glorifying is the wealth that God almighty blesses them. Well as I was waiting for my princess to return to me, she came in her body was covered with the finest linen and every inch of her body was as it was a moving flower with petals of a dark red rose. What marvels you name seem so less as when you see the beauty of my princess. A long breath I took and she served me with the finest red wines of the kingdom; I quenched my thirst with it and was doped in her love. Every second that passed seemed like it was an eternity, yet the tornado was about to come. After hours of spending time together the palace gauds were about to change shifts and my princess was worried that I might get hurt so she prepared a meal for me before I leave her in the high palace walls, we spent time together made love like never before and had kept our vows travelled all across the palace keeping our silences and bathe in the cool blue waters of the high gardens of the palace. When it was time we shared our kisses and blessed each other with vows of protection and never letting go of each other, and then I went she guided me toward a secret passage leading me outside the palace without being caught by the guards. As I was walking my lips were vibrating so was my body every inch of my existence felt her presence around me, like she was protecting. What a day it was what I life I lived in just one day. They say kings and queens are chosen, I say I choose not to be a king yet lover to a queen.

Fools in Love

Why-do-fools-fall-in-love

Why do fools fall in love? And when we do fall, why do our faculties of reason–and decency and self-respect and even right and wrong–sometimes not come along? For that matter, why would anyone reciprocate the love of a partner who has come so romantically unhinged?

A lot of questions to be answered and yet none found helpful to the pain we have inside of us.

I sometimes am a fool for love, well most of the times, currently I am in love with the most decorative person I could have ever imagined of, she is strong and independent, most of my shopping list is created by her, all of my life I wore grey and black, she took me out of it, even though I am a student of Arts but she knows more about colors than I do, She is amassing when it comes to making choices, and I love being her fool, my imagination is what fantasizes her and so are my affections towards her. She is an alien when it comes to love, because it’s something that is not found in the books of this world, she does it in her own original way. She is a 100% original.

Sometimes she is desperate to make things better but as we live in a society full of idiots she gets depressed and well often loses control those days are rather living than dying because that’s when I get complete opportunity to cuddle her and stand by her side no matter what the consequences, I am being very honest my lover is a jealous one, she knows me more than I know myself she treats me like a queen mad in love for his king. Now that is what love is all I have ever dream’t about.

I have been in love before even engaged once, but every time that happened I was left under the dark clouds of depression and uncertainty. Yes that is exactly what happens when you make wrong choices in life and they lead you to a dead end. For me love is like living a God inside and when it’s not watered and taken care it is like a dead soul in a living body, a vacuum so huge that it cannot be filled so dark even the sun light seems less to fill it up.

Sometimes things don’t come along well, but yet if you find the right match it is what you want. And I have it all, because I don’t ask its already known and given, this is my wild imagination and she is the light that filled my heart when it was dark hallow and broken, she glued the walls of my broken heart and ensured it with her charm and protection, because she is my jealous lover. And I am dancing every moment as I live.

She is the decency and the re-creator of my existence. Extremist in love and Queen of hearts, truly mine all mine, and never letting me go type of thing.
Some days I think is she real or is she a part of my crazy imagination. Well that’s what makes me a fool in love for her. And it’s unchangeable and unconditional.