Where Thy Lovers…


As the peace of my true existence seems so silent, as it is enduring me to be in a resting place where I am never wanting to be awake, and never to be upheld by the frequent faints of the past days when there were battles fought so hard and brutal. As I am walking down the road to the stage where my head be bantered and I be a display of jokes for others to laugh at and leave their remarks on this so fabulous dying sentence, as this cold frozen night seems so long and craving I see myself dying inside and blood in my veins freezing and I can feel the clots in my finger tips, tipsy I get as it was the first time I had a glass of wine and a blend of cigarette.
as this certain thought is hovering in my head I am neither happy nor sad on this fine line where I am so blunt and without a fear, that I call this thought Untitled and I am so dancing with the moves you make when you are just another soul with the thoughts that I be so glorious and guess there is no glory without being abducted by the fact that this life is just a granted opportunity to retaliate with the one that is after life.

What good there is, only that I or we are trying to be, well dear one there is this sadness we so endure to hide, thy lover never knew what is inside of this cold heart of ours as we seek not to be sold out of our miseries and yet we claim to be the ones to profound our selves with our own delighted richness,,,

Here it is then I stand ready to be beheaded and now as I am resting my head a crowd of thousands to witness this theater of reality no loved ones to witness unknown faces making a loud noise that is so untitled where thy lovers are thy claim to be my friends my mates my everything and non is there, and then the time comes he with his strong arms holding the axe and this moment freezes and time is so silent and slow as like a mastery playing Villon with such intensity that the sharp blade when it touches my skin it is chipping through my bones and all the way making a fine cut.
blood flows onto the feet of the slayer and hens the end of the tale I so called Untitled.

Accepted the way I was…


Summer was good with all the bright rays of the sun and the days were long shorter nights where sleep was under the heaven as I kept on starring at the moon playing my guitar and singing out loud to the Lord of heavens, as If I was a lost soul craving to be in His arms resting in peace not running away but accepting the facts that we so live by as with every passing hour of our miserable lives we keen to hide our sins from mankind I oath not to do so, because when I repented I decided to make an example out of what I was and what I am going to be, because with open doors He who created the heavens accepts us as we are a boat in the open ocean.
A few days past I have’t been sleeping, awake almost all nights missing the summer skies and the stars, winter is beautiful only if you remember the summer haze and it is beautiful.
I was a sinner saved by the grace of His merciful acceptance under the heavens, every time I seek the face of sin I am reminded I am a sinner saved by His Grace, but everytime I come His mighty presence I seek acceptance with open arms why then we keen so much to hide it away from people.
God is good, our everlasting resting place is up there in heaven, then what is right and what is wrong I am still finding it, keeping me clean from the outside and living a shit inside. If this is life then the peak of my existence is going to end in a suicide and this is not me. cause I believe in a better tomorrow, and Hiding things is not me and cant do,
reader endure your self to be the source of repentance for others my sins in the past have been an example to others to bring a change and how I have been a change to myself with surely be a guide to others to change… a simple and small step I took to take a reform without shedding of blood and speaking out big proclamations of my existence and my faith. My faith lies in His mighty grace…
this is me,,, Its been quiet long that I wrote something about myself and well This is me…

The Cold Ambush


No body ringing my bells, and I don’t even know how I have survived and how I will survive, no one even know if I am alive now. I have a family, their reminder is all I wait, and somebody reminds me am going down a leaking hole inside of my heart reminds me of the day you entered my life, no body is knocking at my door, a silent hill I sing on a silent night it is, freezing cold your presence in the spirit is the only tangible of all the heat I am feeling inside of my cold presence.
One day baby we be old and then think of the stories you ever be told, all the stories stuck in the heavy clouds of rain, and that day we be old, and then we be singing all the stories we had and we be laughing a fun day we have inside of us the love we have today will be the garden of thoughts we share today will be the stories we be telling us.
As I am writing all these words I find myself in a field where there is all smoke of all the burning houses seems like a war effect what if love was not there if there was only silence and then the sound of music like an orchestra playing and me sitting in that field broken houses be my comfort and then this silence struck me hard and more it is played more there is cold, oh my lover your insignia is my hope my resting home my pleasant pleasure my securities lies in between these walls that you have for me, your worrying is so fatal that it cleanses my heat but this cold is now becoming an ambush where I find myself hidden and so lost and never to be found oh lover you to are in pain as I am walking across the field and now entering in this city of the dead where I seek no life but death all around me, smoke rising as the burning houses flaming the heat in the air and the ash turning my face grey, kept on walking and I reach your house and knock I did, and there you were with a smile on your face without a thought I survived the cold as I entered your house this warmth you had created for me to rest in after such a long travel I felt like being home, oh lover you have seek the pain of loneliness and I assure you when I saw the walls painted with your blood as my name written with such grace, and I made my self comfortable in home I saw my portrait painted with coal and then my lips were the element painted with your blood, I stood there and feared not, understood how harsh loneliness has treated you so far, I ran across the hall way and reached you in the kitchen when you were preparing dinner soon to be served in the candle light. as night fell I saw you in the only lights we had, in this dark night we were the only living souls living in this dark city where there was no light and no warmth I saw you in my arms and your warmth was recalling my name again and again and it was so beautiful and it was the time when we shared our hearts feelings and so long I rested in my lovers den…

This is how it is every passing cold night I see you and I dream of you, being in the warmth of your beautiful elegance and this is what you have desired to be for me till the end of the lights shut and we share an eternity together.

I can’t sleep…


Thoughts arouse and left me with a thought of what she be dreaming as night falls as her eyes are closed the unfinished thoughts complete in dreams where we are in valleys of love, hands in hands eyes into eyes and lips resting on top of each other and life seems so small a fear that eyes shouldn’t be opened until its all done, as this is life behind closed eyes where there is no fear of losing each other and then there is you and me so far away as my pen is striking the paper imagining the moans and your warm breath reaching me through the air we breathe and this is Love not a faintest thought of monopoly and the deepest desire of what I can and have ever imagined and this is me to you for and forever in a manner.
they say wine is only better if reserved for a longer time, as the aroma when the cork removed and filled glass shakes and the first sip kisses the lips and flows down to the belly weeping the throat and then slighting its way down to the belly where it be soaked and the sable effect reaches the heart and then the game begins which the two only play.
Into your hands I rest my soul tonight as my lips rest on yours and turn my sorrow into treasures of unmeasured riches.
Flying across the valley and then this love seems like without a rest as it’s never going to end as this is a never ending moment, and you look into me into these sorrows as you brighten me up as the day light as this is all happening everything seems so gentle as the waters of Nile where once kings sat and drank the finest wine with the finest women of all the eternity as now I am with you where there is none so reined than you, and nothing is better than this very moment that we are about to share.
The play of lovers as a master Violinist plays the tune of the swing, as heart beat rushes and the solo of your breaths matches with mine and lights up the aroma of what I call is Us, no better name than this, nothing needs to be fixed and this is it and this is not changing, like rolling in the drummers beat striking the heart walls and rushing the edge of your hear and liquefying your soul with mine, tenders and emerging heat glazing me out of dark, and finally I can see you like as your right next to me… I can feel you breath and feel you like never before…
as the blend of this wine remains as now I sleep into your arms and never want anything of better than you.
as I keep on writing and as my heart beat is beating the inner skin as it wants to come out and start beating the words I so write as I am doing so I am on you in you and with you, for eternity and these words are a mark reminder that Love sure do is the corner stone of our existence.

My past haunts me…

A life we hold inside of us can often become a haunt in our present, and this is the only cause that we are unable to process the present and the beautiful blessings we hold inside of us. I love what King Solomon says in the book of Ecclesiastes Ch-3
There is a time for everything,  and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,  a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend,  a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate,  a time for war and a time for peace.

These words every time I read them remind me of the time I was back in Thailand, and even now I remind myself with these words and even then when I look around of myself I see what is happening shouldn’t be happening, people go through a lot in their lives and so did I, not denying what is happening and what is about to happen.

This love now I live is so vivid and so different on so many different levels, that I can’t deny of the words and confesses I made, all those crazy things I did I am not giving up on them.

Somehow this temple we built its traces seem to blur as its out of focus, as the past is now becoming a haunt for my lovers heart as if it is a repetition of what has happened in the past.
how to make her realize it is a beautiful present a proclamation of the future full of love and full of hope as it is not just U or me or her it is Us now, it is the time when we will fly to a place where no one knows us know one recognizes us, where it’s just Us, we are knows not by me or you but by Us,

This past is why so intense why the traces of it are making me feel like I am just of no help and my anger just rages me to do more worse to this heart of hers where I started painting with love and with all that I can be, But still something is missing, I am no God or no saint just a man with my faults in my stars but still wanting the best you can desire to be.

Stones are striking are my head, I ask them why are you hitting me as I am your enemy who breaks you and bake and turns into a temple for others to praise the art of my hands, as it is nothing like that as once I made you my God, as I used you to engrave my lovers name, how come then I be of any hurt to the stones that were once the plate of my lovers letters.

The past is such a haunt as I am of no cause of relief but only of pain to my lover’s heart.
Her name is peace; her eyes are the temple of light to rest her heart is like the canvas for the master painter to paint the finest of his works.
I have seen my lover face to face, some days hidden in dark some days sparkling in the brightest of days, as this is not you nor me it US.. Why so then I can’t cause the past not to be a haunt in this present she claims the best thing ever happened in her life.

Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.[b]

And I saw something else under the sun:

In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.

I said to myself,

“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”

Out of the Blue ( Ch-2 )


Summer on the edge and winter breeze touching the tips of my hands, and yet am warm, the shivering cold is yet to strike and soon it be cold. The clear blue skies and its beautiful glance glows the eyes and makes me think why am I so warm as winter is yet to come, and it’s her eyes that are like the bright sun that glows me from the inside out.
as we were traveling all around the city, holding hands and looking at each other witnessing all the sights together and in our conversations we were making love all the time, and holding each other up in encouragement and in faith that we are on the purge of Love.
Some days life seems so dull and dry, as the time comes when am waiting under the tree for her arrival or a chariot with black wild horses carrying her on their back and as she is rushing towards me the leaves on the path fly behind her making a circular vacuum, The scene seems like a artistry of an expert artist.

I always wanted to hear her voice and my name through her lips into my ears. One hot day as we were driving our way back, she wanted that if we could spend the evening together and well In my heart I was wishing it could happen, and she gets a call that it is possible, and she told me that we could hang out till 7:00pm. I was excited and well she dropped me off and I came all the way back to her and picked her car and went away to my friends, and she told me to pick her up by 6:30pm and she was happy and excited and I went away to be with my friends and wait until I pick her up.
As I was with my friends I was talking that I have this feeling like I am scared to see her, now the word scare is not the very of appropriate words in this matter, I might count it as I was having a high heart beat rate and I was like OMG I got to pick her up, I was anxious and scared but I was in the meanwhile time so excited that I had no clue what I was supposed to do.
So the Clock ticks 6:00pm and I rushed my way to the car turned the engine and shifted the gears and on my way was I to see my love.
She came out and was looking here and there her eyes were rooming all around as if she was finding me in the crowd, The car’s engine was on and the AC was running and I actually pulled the handbrakes well she always told me that I forget pulling the handbrake, well this time I did, so when I saw me beauty I shifted the gear and dragged the car right to her and I was unaware that the car was still in Handbrakes mode, crazy me, well when she got in I pulled the handbrakes down and well on our way we went….
As the sun sets as her love grew more and I being on the edge just being pulled into her existence and being loved more and more.
as we holding hands stopped the car on the side of the highway road and holding her face in my palms and I kissed her, and she was like OMG… and then on our way back again, and we drove all around like our home was this car, and she rested in my lap and I kissed her madly as I was driving and making a confession of what I am to her, and this whole scenario was a beautiful act that I could never forget and I still have those moments stored in my head as they are happening right this very moment.
Out of the blue she came in my life and confession of our love in the middle of the desert in eyes we did walked on fresh waters…
This is Life as I see now happening inside of me, the rebirth of my existence in the truest of its form.

U & Us


Ch-1: The Encounter

Things are never the way expected, and many reasons we fail ourselves only because we see no progress in our lives, Seasons change and we just restless beings take no chances maybe we are without reasons to step into a dimension. Our Past often becomes a curse to our existence, and we start blaming ourselves and most of all God, it’s like we faith not in God anymore only in the Suicide of our miserable lives.
Months passed standing under a tree I was on my knees crying out in pain asking for a chance to be accepted back into the arms of what I know as my comfort. Maybe sometimes comfort becomes a pain a curse that seems like never going to get off you, no matter how hard you try. Life matters most to those who live in a comfy world of theirs but is that the answer to what we see and stand and live for never taking a chance for ourselves, and never moving a little further to see how deep the water is or how high are we or how close are we to know what is next in our lives. Maybe this is a lesson we always need to learn and never can we be saved from the judgments of this passive world view. And as this all was running through my head I was in such tears that I could feel myself crying and begging me to get me out of this Body of mine, and it wasn’t the option I could dare to do so, maybe as I said earlier we never take a step further, and that was the time When I had to take a step of faith and walk away standing on the edge and 6months passed, and every passing soul that stood and stared at me wanted me to do what they have wished for, and I kept on standing there with the Lost me.
And days past and nights felt longer than expected, kept of staring at the stars all night long, accused so many time “ sleep dear one” maybe that wasn’t much of an accuse just because I was living a Suicide every passing day of my life.
Sometimes when we are not ready and we feel like we won’t be ready ever again it THE ENCOUNTER happens, and referring this to the situation when we feel whole and complete in every sense of the word and still we fear so much so many questions that we have been asking ourselves from nowhere start to arise again and again and we are so Fucking lost in this phenomena of being not able to digest any of what we encounter what is right in front of us.
Like walking in a park smoking and talking to myself and really not concerned what was happening around me and suddenly a Voice reaches you and you become so responsive now honestly speaking you don’t know what in a hell that person wants from you, and it all started from asking what is new in the Android world of Mobile phones, and I kept on being nice and nice, and kept on talking for hours and hours, and the encounter started to look beautiful and like there was some sunshine and some flowers added to the scene, like a collage image…
And still you are with those questing what and how and why and when… they just kept on haunting you, every time I was with her cigarettes were kept on a pause, and I was just myself and I was I again… and my encounter started to grow longer and longer…